Is the baby kicking?

"Is the baby kicking?" seems like a safe enough question...and I am sure it would be if I was FUCKING PREGNANT!!! 

The shame, the annoyance and the need to punch the arsehole who asked the question in the balls are all throughts that run through my head...and its now two weeks later. 

I know, I know I should move on but you know what, I cant.  I really am stuck in the vortex of feeling sorry for myself and when I am feeling all 'whoa is me' I tend to eat too much, drink too much and use every excuse under the sun to live in the world of inertia.

I am taking the steps to reinvent my life as, to be completly honest, I have not been in a happy place for a very long time.

I SHOULD be happy as outwardly it would appear that I have it all...An amazing husband who actually loves me, a georgeous spirited 13 month old girl, fantastic friends who put up with my unreliability, a lovely home.   I have my own company that is doing REALLY well, I drive a BMW and have a collection of designer handbags/shoes/ jewellery and just to rub it in some more, I am currently sitting on a beach in Mauritius with my best mate downing Midori Splices with Champagne chasers at 9:30am (I told you I was a lush).  With all these blessing I just cant understand why I am so fucking depressed...well I can really as I am a fat, lazy heifer (no offence intended to the cows!)

I have decided to start this blog so that I have some accountability (albiet to a page on a computer that I am sure only I will read).   In these posts I will be honest - for the first time totally brutally honest, so that I can shake the funk and start to live an authentic life....