Run Fat Be-atch Run

I actually managed to rustle my body out of bed before 7:00am. 
I surprised myself and pulled the trainers out of the box and slapped them on my feet before I had time to really think about it.  
I zipped up my Lululemon sweatshirt, pushed my thumbs through the stupid holes in the cuffs and I bolted, well probably more like slow shuffled, out the door. 

The first thing I realised was....It was freezing, my nipples were harder than Chinese Arithmetic and my breathing was laboured and shallow due to the cold or maybe due to the fact that my lungs were working overtime as I hadn't moved this fast in like 500 years OR purhaps it was that other small thing....I did drink a bottle of red while watching The Block and Revenge last night - oh my how shameful the truth...but in saying that I was having one hell of a party at the time. 
I managed to get through 2km in 15 mins which felt like I had run the New York marathon but hey its a start and you know what I didn't stop!  Go me {insert happy little spastic dance here}

I felt so self righteous, even the 15 year old upstart who uttered these words of encouragement to me "Keep it up giggle bum, it will start working soon!" didn't dent my ego.  I felt a great sense of satisfaction especially when I flipped him the bird (how old am I again??!!).

Now I am having the breakfast of champions - that's what my husband calls it, I prefer to call it the Bloody Disgusting Concoction or BDC for short, but Ill let you decide, honestly I dare you - here's the recipe.

BDC
2 Carrots
2 Celery sticks
1/4 of a beetroot
1 apple
a knob of ginger (a bigger knob for the more daring punter)

xoxo Flabulous

The Diet Cupboard

So I am now home from Mauritius and I am sure the plane landed heavy due to the excess baggage attached to my arse.    Lucky for me I arrive in on a Monday - Diet Day!!  (said with enthusiasm and a clapping of my hands).   For the last, I don't know, about 30 years Monday has always been diet day, it starts off with such potential and I am usually pretty good up until around lunch time, then I get the urge to splurge as a reward for having completed 4 hours of goodness....but this time things will be different.  As I mentioned before I am ready for the new and improved me!


The first thing I did when I arrived in was look in my diet cupboard for inspiration....I am sure everyone has one, you know the place where you stash all the fad diets that you buy and hope that they will work by osmosis... My diet cupboard looked something like this:
- Fatblaster (I only used two pills and then couldn't be bothered taking the rest)
- Fatblaster EXTREME (I didn't even open the box on this one)
- Biggest Loser Shakes or BLS as I like to call them (I feel like I haven't eaten if I don't chew, so usually have to have a big mac to wash these down))
- Biggest Loser Bars (Chalk anyone?)
- Ultraslim (As per the BLS)
- Tony Ferguson Weight Loss Shakes (Hello??!!)
- Rapid Loss (It just looked disgusting and I couldn't stomach the thought of stomaching this)
- Lemon Detox Diet (NEXT)
- Dukan Diet (Me, cooking??? I DON'T THINK SO!)
- Atkins (mmmmm all you can eat bacon and eggs - but see above)
- Run Fat Bitch Run (great, funny read....but my trainers are still in their box)
- Lite n Easy meal plans (from when I did it for a week - nice in theory but I had all these work lunches that week so it didn't work)
- Jenny Craig meal plans (another hectic week with work lunches)
- You are what you eat (the first two pages were good)
- The group fitness timetables (from the 2 gyms I am currently a member of)
- and so it could continue for a VERY long time!


OK so I am thinking enough of this ridiculousness, so I have just signed up to Michelle Bridges 12 week challenge which I am pretty sure will work this time so I am going to do something pretty amazing, I am cleaning out the diet cupboard so I stop feeling guilty about all my failures AND I am cancelling the Gym memberships as well (Take that stupid diet cupboard).


Oh by the way its just gone 3:30pm and I haven't even spoilt my new health eating regime and this fat bitch is starting her running program tomorrow morning - a 2km crawl - I'll let you know how I go.


xoxo Flabulous!

Is the baby kicking?

"Is the baby kicking?" seems like a safe enough question...and I am sure it would be if I was FUCKING PREGNANT!!! 

The shame, the annoyance and the need to punch the arsehole who asked the question in the balls are all throughts that run through my head...and its now two weeks later. 

I know, I know I should move on but you know what, I cant.  I really am stuck in the vortex of feeling sorry for myself and when I am feeling all 'whoa is me' I tend to eat too much, drink too much and use every excuse under the sun to live in the world of inertia.

I am taking the steps to reinvent my life as, to be completly honest, I have not been in a happy place for a very long time.

I SHOULD be happy as outwardly it would appear that I have it all...An amazing husband who actually loves me, a georgeous spirited 13 month old girl, fantastic friends who put up with my unreliability, a lovely home.   I have my own company that is doing REALLY well, I drive a BMW and have a collection of designer handbags/shoes/ jewellery and just to rub it in some more, I am currently sitting on a beach in Mauritius with my best mate downing Midori Splices with Champagne chasers at 9:30am (I told you I was a lush).  With all these blessing I just cant understand why I am so fucking depressed...well I can really as I am a fat, lazy heifer (no offence intended to the cows!)

I have decided to start this blog so that I have some accountability (albiet to a page on a computer that I am sure only I will read).   In these posts I will be honest - for the first time totally brutally honest, so that I can shake the funk and start to live an authentic life....